I know that people meant well. But, with all good intentions people said things that were hurtful. The most shocking happened just minutes after we heard the news of Aidan. Someone actually asked me if she could have his clothes that I had purchased!!!! Can you believe that? That was hurtful. That comment actually made me sick.
People would actually say to me "Now you will get the girl you have always wanted". Those words would feel like a knife through my heart. It made it seem like Aidan did not make a difference in this world. He was our son, yes for only 10 days, but he was our son and he did make a difference in our lives. We loved him, we adored him and we were so thankful for him.
I finally got to where I would say, Aidan was our son, he is not a car that you trade in because it doesn't work or you do not like it, he is a baby. He is a human being and he is our son. Then I would fight the tears and fight from yelling at these people. They were trying to make me feel better but fell short.
It made me think about what I have said to people going through a difficult time - a miscarriage, a divorce, a job loss etc. Please forgive me. Just like these people, I meant well and I wanted to comfort. I noticed that the best response from people was "I am so sorry" or "I do not know what to say but please know that I am so sorry" or "I want to say something to make you feel better but I realize there is nothing I can say- just know I care". I promise from now on, I will be much more conscience of what I say.
2 comments:
Oooh I want to beat up that person who said that!! Unreal! I agree that we have to go through our own tragedies and traumas to get better at dealing with these things. I had a molar pregnancy years ago and was very sick with all day "morning sickness". I had thrown up nearly every hour of every day for nearly three months. After, when trying to explain to people that it wasn't a normal miscarriage, one older woman said to me, "Well, at least you didn't lose a baby". I will never forget it. To ME it was a baby!! In my heart and mind it was a baby! And the reason I had been so sick! Anyway, went off in the comments to share that to say I have learned through that and other life moments ("my mom has ovarian cancer" "Oh, my grandma just died of that same kind of cancer" WHA?) to say, "I am so sorry to hear that" END. OF. STORY.
(hugs)
Rhonda, I just read your blog about Aidan - I know you and Mike's hearts were broken and I hope that I didn't say anything to add to your grief. Sometimes people just don't know what to say...sometimes its best not to say anything, just a touch and a hug - I will continue to pray for Aidan.
Post a Comment