The Call

On the way to work today Mike and I decided on our son's name. We loved the names Samuel and Aidan. So we decided to name him Michael Aidan Wen. Often people would tell us he looked like an angel - so we decided on Michael (plus the obvious, his father's name).

Then, while I was on the phone with a friend, I received an email from M. I just had a feeling that something was wrong with our paperwork. I got off the phone and called M to see what was wrong. Never, in my wildness dreams would I imagine what M would say. She said I have to tell you that your son is critically ill and you cannot adopt him.

All I remember is hearing this scream, wailing, crying, sobbing, and this guttural noise. It was coming from me! The next thing I knew, everyone was in my office. They were crying and hugging me....someone called Mike.

Mike came in and we had a moment and shut the door. I hated having to tell him what happen. I never want to hurt him, I love him so much. We hugged and cried together, I felt stronger standing beside him as we supported each other.

It was devastating. It was dark. We hurt so badly. But why? Why did this have to happen? Why now after waiting so long? Why us? All of these things kept running through my mind.

It was a horrible day! One that I hope nobody has to go through, ever. Our world came crashing down on us. The one thought that I kept thinking and it would make me sick, where was our Aidan and what had happen to him. Was he alone in a hospital? Was he OK? Was this all a mistake? Please dear Lord, be with our baby boy where ever he is. Protect him. Comfort him. Please let his foster mom be there with him. Place our baby boy in the cleft of your hand.