All About Aidan

....and Two Years Ago Today

2010-10-08T12:11:00.000-07:00

....our CW had to make that terrible phone call to tell us you were critically ill. I will never forget that day. However, you have a family and we have our precious Hannah Grace. I will probably never know why this happened but, I do believe this all worked to His glory.

Two years ago today....

2010-09-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

....I saw your face. That sweet little face with the biggest smile and slightly naughty eyes. Big little man, my heart is at peace knowing you are loved and that you are precious to somebody. It is still my deepest desire to meet you or see pictures of you. Hopefully that will happen.

My heart is light. A very wise woman told me that meant I was healing. I am glad that we both are healing. Go and enjoy this world precious boy! Make the most out of this life. Sit back and soak in the love from your family and love them like it will never hurt. Grow into the wonderful man that God has intended for you to be!

Happy Birthday

2010-06-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! You are three years old today! What a big boy. I hope you had a wonderful, fun filled day today that was full of love and lots of presents. I hope you know that you are loved and we still think of you. My desire is that we would meet you one day.

Wonderful News!!!!!

2009-09-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

It is with the most uplifted heart that I tell you the most wonderful news possible regarding our Aidan. He made a full recovery about 6 months ago and has been adopted!!!! ALL of my prayers have been answered. Sure I had hoped we would be his forever family. We had our agency looking for him but, it was just not to be. I give the glory to God for this wonderful news and rejoice that He sent this news to us.

There has not been a day that has passed that I have not thought about that sweet precious face. But until now I have not been able to look at his face except the image that was burned in my mind of his referral pictures.

So why did this happen? As I look back I see lots of hints that God tried to prepare us. I cannot tell you how many times Abraham and Issac popped up, or the name I AM, or Hannah and Samuel. Was Aidan our means to get Hannah Grace and for him to be united with his forever family? Were we a means to get Aidan on several prayer lists? Was Aidan our Issac or our Samuel? Not sure and I guess at this point, it really does not matter. What does matter is little Aidan is loved and we love our Hannah Grace more each and everyday? I know this sounds strange but this news has given me a "freedom" to love Hannah even deeper. I guess in some way I felt guilty or this is just one more piece of evidence that God intended Hannah to be our child. So this news touches many emotions that run very deep.

So my dear sweet Aidan, I want you to know that we loved you (and still do). I will continue to pray for you and wish you a wonderful, happy, and healthy life. I know your forever family loves you and you feel safe with them. I know in my heart you are being kissed, played with and tickled the way every child deserves. I pray you are cared for just the way we would have cared for you. I hope that you develop into the young man that God intended you to be. I wish you the very best in this world. God bless you baby boy, I can release you now knowing you are loved.

I leave you hopefully feeling uplifted and with one more picture of sweet little Aidan. I almost do not dare to even dream of meeting him one day. If anyone hears of a story of an adopted little boy from Hunan please put me in touch with the family.

Happy Birthday Aidan

2009-06-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday big boy. I cannot believe that you are two today! I hope that you are healthy, happy and loved. I hope someone, somehow, somewhere is helping you celebrate your birthday with presents, cake and lots and lots of fun.

I Am Ready

2009-04-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Well I took the step that I have been dreading but now need to know. We are trying to get and update on Aidan. We are asking people that have connections to inquire for us. Also, we are asking our CW to look on the SN list for him. There is a possibility that we might still adopt him.

There are a lot of things we need to consider to make the decision. What is best for Hannah? Is Aidan in a condition that we could take care of him financially and physically?

Hannah and Aidan are two months apart so what would having 2 toddlers in the house be like? Especially if one of those toddlers is sickly? But for now, we are searching for Aidan and for answers.

We ask that you continue to pray for Aidan during this time. Our desire is for Aidan to be a happy, healthy child that is well adjusted in a loving family. Is that family our family? I do not know right now. What I do know is....Mike and I need to know what happen to Aidan. We are finally ready to accept the answer no matter the outcome. Before my heart just could not take it if he had passed away.

International Adoption Clinic Visit

2008-12-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

We took Hannah to the IAC today. She got a glowing report! Plus everyone thought that she was so sweet and adorable. We were so proud.

We talked to the doctor about Aidan. She was so kind to call me after I told her we could not adopt Aidan. She was stunned because his medical report indicated he was so healthy. In the beginning she thought he might have had a accident or something like meningitis. I told her about the new information we were told while in China. She said that it is possible to get nephritis after a cold but not probable. More than likely, it was the melamine! This was devastating news but something we had considered in the past.

Update on Aidan

2008-11-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

We are in China to get our daughter. Our guide, Louise, called to check on Hannah and she is doing great. Most of the babies from Hubei are in foster care, so she asked why Hannah was still in the orphanage. They told Louise because she was their favorite!

Louise also called Aidan's orphanage to check on him! He is still in Intensive Care but he has improved! She also said that someone from the orphanage is always there with him. Praise God! You have answered two of our prayers. Louise also told us that he has nephritis that started out as a cold. The first thing I thought of was melamine. He was too healthy to get nephritis from a cold.

The next day the English speaking Chinese Television Station reported that there was only one child still in ICU due to the melamine. It was a boy! First of all I know that the Chinese government grossly understated the number of babies still in the hospital. But, still....this comment haunted my very soul.

However, we are so pleased that Aidan is doing better. That information allowed us to go forward and enjoy our time in China. It also allowed us to welcome Hannah into our arms, our hearts and our lives. We are grateful for Louise asking for this information. We also know that our CW probably prompted Louise to ask. We love you both for this generous act of kindness.

Trust Me....

2008-10-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Over and over again the theme of "Trust Me" keeps repeating itself. Of course the Me in all of this is our Father. In church my scripture regarding Abraham and Isaac along with Trust Me was repeated in a sermon a visiting pastor gave. This time it was comforting and thought provoking, instead of like a knife in my heart.

Did all of this have to happen for us to get Hannah's referral? After all, she was referred out of batch and from an orphanage that gives very few referrals. Is there a similarity between Aidan and Isaac? I do not believe that God is cruel to use this precious child so that we would be referred Hannah. But, could He have used the wisdom and mercy that He has to make sure we got Hannah? Yes! It happened thousands of times before.

Does this new knowledge make me feel better? No, I still hurt badly over Aidan. Does it give me comfort and peace? Yes.

After hearing these words yet again, we were reminding of the story of Hannah. Hannah had to give Samuel back to the Lord.....she prayed for him and God granted her desire but she did have to give him up. Wow! That gave Mike and I chills. No matter what God is in control of this situation.

Another Bitter Sweet Day

2008-10-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

Aidan my love. today we received the referral for Hannah. It was bitter sweet. She is beautiful, almost the female version of you! However, it was something that reconfirms that will not be able to adopt you.

We are still trying to make sense out of all of this. I pray for you daily and think of you many times a day. I cannot get your sweet face out of my mind. I want to know you so badly. You look so mischievous and fun. You would have fit perfectly into our family.

Our wish is that you will recover and that you can join our family. We pray that you are not alone and you are not afraid. You are our precious little boy and we will not forget you!

Yet, we celebrate the arrival of your sister. She is a cutie and we love her as well. She is from Hubei, a Hubei Honey. We are thrilled to have her, yet you are still in our heart and on our mind. There are so many promises with this referral. The promise of love, the promise of tomorrow, and the promise of the cement that holds a family together.

We love you sweet little boy! It breaks my heart into that you do not know that a couple 10,000 miles away loves you and thinks about you. All you know is that you are sick and possibly alone. I just cannot take it at times. I desperately want you to know about the love we have for you. Maybe someday, some how this will happen. We are trying to place this into God's hands. After all He united us in the first place.

We love you Aidan,
Your Mom and Dad

The Gifts, The Love

2008-10-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well, the cyber gifts started coming in. We had stacks and stacks of gifts! There were three stacks on our front porch today! I was worried how we would react about when this happen. However, I did not feel sad! I was totally overwhelmed at the outpouring of love from everyone. We kept bringing the gifts in and decided to place them on our guest bed. It brought us comfort, great comfort.

Whenever the day would be difficult with questions or comments regarding Aidan, I would come home and look at the guest bed. I could feel the love coming from these people. I would also, pick up each package and think about the person that sent it. It gave me and Mike great strength.

Can I have his clothes?

2008-10-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

I know that people meant well. But, with all good intentions people said things that were hurtful. The most shocking happened just minutes after we heard the news of Aidan. Someone actually asked me if she could have his clothes that I had purchased!!!! Can you believe that? That was hurtful. That comment actually made me sick.

People would actually say to me "Now you will get the girl you have always wanted". Those words would feel like a knife through my heart. It made it seem like Aidan did not make a difference in this world. He was our son, yes for only 10 days, but he was our son and he did make a difference in our lives. We loved him, we adored him and we were so thankful for him.

I finally got to where I would say, Aidan was our son, he is not a car that you trade in because it doesn't work or you do not like it, he is a baby. He is a human being and he is our son. Then I would fight the tears and fight from yelling at these people. They were trying to make me feel better but fell short.

It made me think about what I have said to people going through a difficult time - a miscarriage, a divorce, a job loss etc. Please forgive me. Just like these people, I meant well and I wanted to comfort. I noticed that the best response from people was "I am so sorry" or "I do not know what to say but please know that I am so sorry" or "I want to say something to make you feel better but I realize there is nothing I can say- just know I care". I promise from now on, I will be much more conscience of what I say.

The Call

2008-10-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

On the way to work today Mike and I decided on our son's name. We loved the names Samuel and Aidan. So we decided to name him Michael Aidan Wen. Often people would tell us he looked like an angel - so we decided on Michael (plus the obvious, his father's name).

Then, while I was on the phone with a friend, I received an email from M. I just had a feeling that something was wrong with our paperwork. I got off the phone and called M to see what was wrong. Never, in my wildness dreams would I imagine what M would say. She said I have to tell you that your son is critically ill and you cannot adopt him.

All I remember is hearing this scream, wailing, crying, sobbing, and this guttural noise. It was coming from me! The next thing I knew, everyone was in my office. They were crying and hugging me....someone called Mike.

Mike came in and we had a moment and shut the door. I hated having to tell him what happen. I never want to hurt him, I love him so much. We hugged and cried together, I felt stronger standing beside him as we supported each other.

It was devastating. It was dark. We hurt so badly. But why? Why did this have to happen? Why now after waiting so long? Why us? All of these things kept running through my mind.

It was a horrible day! One that I hope nobody has to go through, ever. Our world came crashing down on us. The one thought that I kept thinking and it would make me sick, where was our Aidan and what had happen to him. Was he alone in a hospital? Was he OK? Was this all a mistake? Please dear Lord, be with our baby boy where ever he is. Protect him. Comfort him. Please let his foster mom be there with him. Place our baby boy in the cleft of your hand.

Why a Boy?

2008-10-07T17:59:00.000-07:00

Sure, we have often wondered why we were referred a boy. I really did some soul searching on this one. Mike always believed that this was somehow God's will. I found comfort in his strength and decided this must be true.

How could you not fall in love with this little guy? There were lots of "red threads" in his referral. His referral was mailed on the anniversary of my father's death. I can't help but feel they somehow met in heaven.

He had several of the things we prayed for. He was very happy, healthy, slept well and ate well. Very selfishly, I prayed our child would be cute - he is adorable.

All throughout this adoption process God kept reminding me of several things:

1) I constantly ran into the phrase "I Am". This was always comforting to me. I felt God was in control and that I should not worry.

2) Several times in a row, my devotion was on Abraham and Isaac, particularly the part about sacrificing Isaac. I thought it was that I needed to sacrifice the "idea" of what my child would be - meaning the age of our daughter. I just thought we were going to be referred an older child. My friend Shelly helped me with that. She told me to pray with my hands palm up. This is representative of accepting a gift, whatever that gift from God may be.

3) The story of Hannah also repeatedly came up. We kept thinking that it was confirmation of the name. But, Hannah had a son!

The grieve for our daughter was very hard and very real. We empty the girl nursery and I just cried and cried. We packed up her clothes and preceded to make this nursery our son's. It broke my heart because everything we bought for our daughter was special. It was purchased on a trip or for a special purpose. Now, our darling son has everything thrown together.

We had a closet full of clothes and items for our daughter. Our son has very little clothes. I just never want him to think he was not wanted - EVER. We do want him very much, just that we EXPECTED a daughter. How do you ever get that point across?

Please know little one that you are so loved. You are perfect in every way and we would never trade you for anything or anyone.

Surprise Shower Times Two

2008-10-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

Surprise!!!! One of our Yahoo boards is giving us a Surprise Cyber Shower. They are mailing us gifts but we cannot open until Oct 13th! Then we will all get on line and have the shower.

Another Yahoo group, our Feb DTC group, is also giving us a cyber shower. Both groups have the most amazing people. I attended a International Adoption Clinic Seminar and they talked about the average IA adoptive parent. The average adoptive parent is very giving and charitable. Well, I guess this just tells you how true this statement is huh?

It's All In a Name

2008-10-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

Wow! We need a name! We had decided on Hannah Grace for our daughter after a long deliberation. First we were going to use the name Kaitlyn. Then we started watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. Mike fell in love with Hannah, she is his favorite. (My favorite is Leah). Then the sermon was on Hannah the next Sunday. Hannah was unable to have children. She prayed and prayed for a child and finally she gave birth to Samuel. Mike and I looked at each other and we knew that we wanted to name our daughter Hannah.

So we have a beautiful little boy and we need a name just as meaningful as Hannah was to our daughter.So now, we are looking at the following names:
Aidan
Samuel
Cody
Harrison
Ethan
Evan
Logan

Painting the Nursery....Again

2008-10-05T15:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, we painted again! We painted a taupe and a sage to match the bedding. Mike picked out the bedding at Target and it is so cute! We also bought some cute clothes for our little Wen. They do make cute clothes for boys!

The room is just to cute. I went to the fabric store and bought matching fabric for the cushions for the rocking chair. I also went out and bought swimsuits, socks, swim diapers, pacifiers and toys for little boys. Now, we need to decide on a name.

Xiao Ye Wen

2008-09-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

Referral Day

Today was an incredible day. At 9.29 am, my beeper went off. There was the message I have been waiting for CALL M (our Case Worker). Oh my gosh, that means the referral is here - the stork has landed. I was in a meeting and I told everyone want was happening so they were all excited for me. I returned the call and she was on the phone.

I ran to find Mike, crying then laughing the entire 2 blocks through the interior cross walks at work. I ran into the meeting room, and asked everyone where he was. Finally, I found him up front. I grabbed him and he took one look at me and knew what had happened. We jumped up and ran out of the room. Later we heard that the room broke out in a round of applause! They knew and they all understood just how important this call was.

We ran to Mike's office to call - still the line is busy. We ran to my office, where I looked up M's cell phone number. Finally, we got her on the phone! She tells us that it is the most beautiful baby from China she has ever seen. Mike and I detected a but, so we asked, she said.....it's a boy. We actually thought she was kidding. No she was not kidding.

We were shocked. Shocked is an understatement. We put female on all of our paperwork - the applications, dossier and all documents to China! Wow. Then we saw our son. He was the cutest baby boy EVER.

We did grieve our daughter. She may have only lived in our hearts but she did exists for us. We saw her daily in our minds and in our dreams.

However, we fell deeply in love with this boy, our son. It was an amazing day. One we will never forget.